Thoughts of the sickly (satch).

This post is fresh off the current state of reality in which I am sickly and slightly feverish. I may or may not have the swine flu. Essentially what it comes down to is that I was sick last weekend and into this week. Unfortunately the symptoms are more or less the swine flu. I am not super jazzed on that, especially because it amounts to a mild cold in which I don’t get to go out or talk to people. My world has been a muddled existence of sleep, eating some food, and watching my new favorite TV show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Not gonna lie, it’s the  Best show I have ever seen on TV that doesn’t have to do with WWII (band of brothers). I finished 22ish episodes in about a week. Realistically this means that I spent 22 hours with fictional characters in fictitious situations…all of which seeming better than my sickly reality.

Bah. Really though, you’ve got to check this show out. I’m telling you. It’s about a Saturday Night Live sort of show with the same title as the show itself. Great stuff. The guy who wrote it is the guy who wrote the West Wing. He’s a fantastic writer.

It’s vaguely sad that this is the only thing I have to tell you about. It shows the amount of nothing that I have been doing. I should probably read more, but the thing about reading the books I’m reading is that they require more attention than my feverish mind can manage at the moment. I can’t exactly take a legitimate stab at GK Chesterton’s “The Everlasting Man” with a fever. I wish I could.

One of the things that I have realized lately is that the show that I watched featured a lot of the arts. By that I mean writing and acting. Maybe I’m just swept away on one of those “I want that” sort of mentalities…but I really like the idea of writing. Not necessarily sketch comedy like SNL, but writing seems like a lot of fun to me. Then I was talking to my friend Ben Troop (the one mentioned at the end of the title) and stumbled on to the fact that I have this blog. Could one of the things I like so much about this blog be the writing that takes place here? Hmmm…Just maybe.

I think I should take a few steps out of fictional reality for awhile. It’s wonderful and overly glamorous, but it’s not real life. I think that sometimes shows and movies have this effect in my life where I am vaguely disappointed with  life as it IS due to its contrast with fictional representations of life as it IS NOT. I think the thing that always gets to me is my inability to fall in love with and be loved by beautiful women like the ones who exist in film. I know that it’s a stretch to hope for such things, but am I the only one who after watching 22 hours of TV show featuring Matthew Perry falling in love with wonderful girl then goes to bed wondering just what is wrong with my life?

Okay, so that was an overstatement. Not wrong necessarily, perhaps rather why is my life so very pedestrian in the moments? I know that following Jesus isn’t pedestrian…it’s the true fulfillment of who I am meant to be, yet even in that I sometimes find myself sitting in strange moments of boredom. Not unhealthy boredom, just not super fun boredom. As though there is such a thing.

I’m going to go in circles soon if I don’t stop. In any case, you can ask Jesus to help me get better. Sickness is dumb.

Advertisements

I discovered that perhaps I need the blog more than I thought

So, if you’re an avid follower of my blog then you may have been disappointed for the last month. I haven’t blogged in a long time. I think it had something to do with getting used to a real life schedule that necessitates bed by 11pm. It’s a lame transition after college at some level, but it is what it is. So there you go. Mostly I didn’t blog because it seemed in convenient. Then I realized that I was going a little crazy. I don’t talk to as many people about as many things anymore. I don’t have 2 one-on-ones per week, I work 8 hours a day, and generally see very few people aside from the people I work with, the people I live with, and select others during the week. I need to process. So here is where I’ve decided yet again to process some. The goal is at least 3 posts a week to stay healthy. Here we go.

I’ve been learning a lot in the past month about the nature of God. It’s been good, but really hard. Surprisingly being a Christian in the real world takes effort and sacrifice. Camp and Christian school are good, but it seems that they lend themselves to coasting and taking things for granted with the Lord. Thus real life is hard, most of the time it’s me and Jesus rockin’ it in a really challenging job space where I wish He was physically there to give me a hug when I need it. It’s not always the most fun thing, but then again it’s nice to know that when Jesus says we are to “carry our crosses” he actually means what He says. We are walking towards the death of the things we want and think are life and giving ourselves over (and being given over by the Spirit) into the things that Jesus thinks are life. So while it sucks somewhat to do the things that I do on a daily basis, it’s comforting to know that I was never promised that it would be easy.

That being said, the rest of life is strangely going well. Job is great, but hard. I have a house that my friend Cate described as “Kick ass.” I eat food that I enjoy that I cook and sometimes buy and eat outside the house. I use my major every day of work. I am making new friends and deepening older friendships. It’s really quite wonderful.

Although, it is strange to be outside of an institution Christian setting in which everyone is talking about God and the things He does like they are the most obvious things in the world all the time. Honestly, God is (in the words of Forrest Gump) “mysterious.” I think everyone who is Christian seems to attest to this, but I think that sometimes we forget that God doesn’t do stuff in front of our eyes and wave a huge flag to get our attention shouting “HEY! IT’S OVER HERE! THIS IS WHERE I AM DOING VERY IMPORTANT THINGS!”

I took a break from this post for a couple days and lost my train of thought. I don’t remember what I the point I was trying to make was. An old man called me a “operator” today. If you ride the bus enough you find that the bus becomes this strange community of sorts. You’re all riding the same means of transport repeatedly over a long period of time. The thing about the bus is that  even given this strange sense of constancy, weird things happen lots. Crazy people come out and rap, little kids declare that “Killer whales are the superheroes of the ocean…and mermaids too.” after having a tedious discussion with their fathers regarding why they have to give back their friend’s tiara, there’s also this occurence of the “bus friend.” That’s where our story begins.

I have had a couple “bus friends” thus far. My bus friend Mark sat next to me for a long time and then moved closer to his work where he could ride the bus. We never got to be super great friends, but the day he left was a moment when I realized “I probably won’t see Mark ever again.” Sad day. Mark’s friend Mason is now my bus friend in his place. It’s not the same though.

In any case I met this lovely woman on the bus who is in law school at the UW. I have sat next to her twice. Her life is really interesting. In any case she appeared for the second time today and we talked about books and law school and other things. When she got off the bus this old man looked at me and said something like, “I suppose a cultured fellow like you knows about the Maltese Falcon.” I said I did, my dad likes it afterall. I’ve seen it once or twice. Then he said, “You’re quite the operator. Talkin’ to that girl for fifteen minutes.” An old lady said something that seemed to give an unintelligible form of assent to that idea. Then I started reading to cut off conversation. Yes, my bus friend is an attractive woman. No, I don’t expect anything to come of it. Like I said, the bus is a strange place…