Never been really successful here. Not gonna lie. I’m not gay, I just took a long time getting the hang of this casual dating thing that I watched in movies.
I kinda dated a girl this year. First time I can say that. I say kinda because we were never official…and about the time things were headed that way it didn’t work out.
It seems in TV dating is made out to be this easy thing. It’s something that everyone can do all the time. Without ever practicing. Well, it’s my experience that this isn’t true. Moreover, I’ve found that actually being in a relationship with women (ideally with anyone) ought to take work and frustration. People ought to tell you that when you’re born…really, it’d help out.
I learned this year about my ability to figure out what I want in women. I suck at it. Really. I almost dated this other girl this year. Things were going smashingly. On paper she was everything that I wanted in a woman. Yet, when it came down to it…I didn’t actually have any emotional connection with her. Sad day. On the other hand, great learning experience. I think that sometimes the women we (as men) think we need aren’t really the ones we need at all. Much like the way I irrationally desire icecream instead of dinner sometimes. On paper icecream is what I want, but if I go for that…I don’t think I’ll be eating a well balanced dinner. Sorry. women aren’t food. It was an analogy. Nothing more. Seriously. They’re not objects. I promise.
Another good thing that I’ve learned is that making out with women affects you emotionally. At least for me. It’s happened only twice…and then afterwards emotional distress followed. Now, if those relationships had worked out I might have a different view. Nonetheless, I say to you: be careful of physical intimacy. There really has to be more there for it to work out.
Something that I am learning more recently is the value of knowing how you feel. I tend to get trapped inside this idea of “do I like her or do I just like her because she likes me?”. It is very confusing. I wish that didn’t happen. However, it does. I have come to the conclusion that we should be able to say “yes” to the question of “is this what I want?” when a member of the opposite sex is in the picture. Otherwise it is bad for two or more peole.
Hopefully I don’t come off as some sketchy womanizer in this thing. I really don’t think I did. I was honest. I don’t think I said anything in a sexist manner….at least I tried not to.
August 26, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Dear son, Relationships are something you need to discover on your own unfortunately…if we told you what you had to do it would be based on our experiences/interactions with others and not work for you specifically. However through your observations of other people’s relationships you can develope a list of what are good qualities for a partner. Also you can ask questions about what others found important in their choices and then sift through those answers for what might be priorities in a relationship/mate for you. I wish like you an “operating handbook” came taped to each child’s stomach at birth to help parents direct that child in making good decisions. Love you lots, mama
August 30, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Most men either don’t have it, or try to hide or destroy their emotions. You’ve got a soft heart. Its something special that your future wife will appreciate. Just know, the way of the world isn’t for you. You’ll have a tread carefully bro…
September 1, 2008 at 5:00 am
wow, you’re mom’s cool. you’re not sexist, you’re adorable, and lame as it sounds, you will figure things out. i’ve heard it said that the person you end up with should feel like ‘home’, sometimes a better version of the home you’ve always wanted, sometimes, you’re the better version for that person. but you should always compliment each other, like peas & carrots, & make each other better people, ultimately for God.
September 3, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Thanks everyone. Love you Mama. Love you Marcus. I don’t know you anon, but you seem cool.
September 13, 2008 at 9:56 am
Your mom is cool! I wish my dad or mom could tell me things as insightful as that. Anyways, you have to put yourself out there and not be afraid of being hurt. You will have to forge your own path to the woman who is right for you. You do learn from experiences, the more the better. I don’t mean be a player, I mean keep trying and learn from it. Every time something doesn’t work out, take the knowledge with you n why it didn’t work. You really have to learn to appreciate the pain you will probably experience. I mean you are looking to find the love of your life eventually, correct? In that case, for you to have love, you will feel the extreme highs, but that means the lows will be lower. I know our family culture is rough on you men, but it’s a respectable strength to be strong enough to not run away from your pain. Love is also a wild card, when you are around come people, you will feel the chemistry. It’s totally unexplainable sometimes. Do your best to weather the storm and you’ll come out on top
September 26, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I feel like I should reply to this post even though it has been posted for ages. I will make my own analogy–comparing pregancy to finding a girlfriend. A lot of women worry about getting pregnant especially if it doesn’t happen immediately and then they find that when they stop thinking about it–ta dah–it happens. It WILL happen (not pregnancy for you, but a girlfriend) and when it does this person will most likely be a wonderful fit for you. But if this person isn’t THE one you will learn something from that relationship, just like you learned something from your previous relationship. Isn’t that what life is about–learning experiences (sometimes hard) that teach you about yourself and what life means to you?
July 15, 2009 at 11:20 pm
hoooooocuusss GIRRLSSSSS are nothin but trouble!!!!! can’t live with or without them, ya CHIIINTZ!
July 30, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I don’t necessarily feel comfortable posting relationship advice on this blog, but you are my oldest friend and even though we have lost contact along the way I would love love to get together and hang out with you, and talk about things like this…i feel your frustration and i understand aspects of what you may be going through. certain things are more difficult for others. like you killed ap biology, i sucked. but maybe i can help you out with somethings you are struggling with. sorry to make the school analogy for dating- like your ice cream and girls reference i am not implying anything by it.
lots of love- seriously lets get together and hang out