So tired.

It’s been some time since I blogged while I was this tired. Today has been a whirlwind of getting up later than usual, writing paper, going to class, and generally feeling a bit out of place.

I think most of it stems from this idea that I am wrassling with of what it looks like to live every moment with Jesus who is inside you, surrounding you, and guiding you (if you listen) all the time. I feel like there should be more of a yellow-brick road sort of sensation sometimes, but as my friends Bob’s facebook status said after I talked to him about it “God seems very vague and flowy”. Not to say that God is a truth that is vague and flowy in a fabricated postmodern way. Assume orthodox Christianity when I say this. Then think for a moment. God is all around you. God guides you. God is there when it doesn’t feel like it. Doesn’t that blow your mind a bit? It’s like the reality of God is so intertwined with the reality we experience that we either take Him for granted or have no idea how to begin to wrap our minds around Him. I suppose that’s a good place to be.

Nonetheless, it doesn’t exactly serve as an entirely comforting thing. The biggness and (for lack of a better way to phrase it) “flowyness” of God scares and confuses me. Admittedly, in the best way possible. But really, God is with us in every moment. Every single moment. We don’t live a second apart from Him, but we can live entire lives apart from owning this fact. The question I have is somewhat based in my desire to be able to grasp what I should do before I do it. What does it mean to follow Jesus in every moment? Yes, we ought to apply scripture to most things. But what does it look like to follow Jesus in making a sandwich? In playing videogames with friends? He’s there. Does He want to play Mario Kart?

Yes. That last question was a bit silly. Yet, the question remains. What does it mean to follow Christ in the tedious things of everyday life? Furthermore, how do we learn about this in a way that doesn’t spiral out of control and make us pharisees who are more concerned about living every moment “the right way” instead of people who simply want to find God where He is?

I’ve been taking this great class called discipleship. It’s well-worth it. I encourage you to take it. However, I find that the amount of things we are being given to work with is too much. Honestly. I don’t know how to apply everything a really wise man of God has learned in a lifetime in the space of a quarter. Sometimes I feel like I want to make this silly bar of “what I ought to be doing” and hold myself to that as a result…but I don’t know that that is really giving myself grace. How do I learn valuable things about the faith while still letting my faith be a process that doesn’t feature me constantly measuring myself? Riddle me this…