Today was Sunday

I went to church this morning and discovered something grand. When you work out (I went running with Katie Litz and then hit the gym with Kile Petersen on Saturday), the next day’s sleep is amazing. I mean really good. You wake up feeling great! I got what I would usually call not enough sleep and woke up this morning feeling super-dandy. I went to church, came back, did the powerpoint presentation for my presentation that comes on Wednesday and then hung around a bit.

After homework I looked through old blog posts for awhile. It’s odd to look back in time at the places you have been. They seem so very similar to the places you are now, just in different circumstances. Chauncey of last year was sad that school was ending and that his PA experience was coming to an end (he was also glad about that too). Current Chauncey experiences many of the same things about this year and life in the now. Devilish cycles that keep coming back and making me wish my whole PA staff was in the room so I could tell them I loved them and cry forever. Well, maybe not forever. Afterwards Ben, JJ, Nate, and I could kill a bear with only our wits to prove our manliness after the tears.

It’s strange looking back at the past and seeing God in your life to such an extent that you can’t try to deny it. It makes you wonder what will happen in the future when you look back on today. Does the current you see God at work? I don’t know that I am savvy enough to catch it. I wish I were. I think it was easier for the apostles seeing as how they were healing people and getting lowered out of cities at night and stuff…Is it harder to see God in a life in which you get to do homework a lot? Or does it just mean you have to look harder?

It’s funny when you look back at the past version of yourself and wish you could give him a hug. Sometimes I think that would be all he would have needed. Of course that’s completely silly, the idea of time-travel that is…but nonetheless. It’s nice to know that the further in life that you move on the more you actually start to like the people you have recently been. I say it that way because you won’t get to be the person you were yesterday ever again. Sorry, but it’s true. I looked back at Chauncey in the early summer of last year and wished I could talk to him and pray for him and give him advice based on my experience…I don’t get to do that. He never gets to know the things I know now and I never get to be where he was. That’s the tricky business of it all.

How can we live life today so that when we look back on our past selves we can do so with joy? I’m tired of looking back with frustration at the idiots I have been. Perhaps I am learning.

Lately it seems that I’ve been less of an idiot…I get to look back with sadness and joy at the awesome things I have been blessed to do with the knowledge that I don’t get to do them again. Maybe it all has to do with learning to love oursleves. Maybe that’s what I am learning. I really am starting to look back at myself in the past and wish the best for that man I was. I want him to not make the mistakes I made. However, following a blog only makes you aware of the futility of wanting things like that. The person I was will do the things I did, no matter how much the story seems to give him room to do otherwise.

That was a silly dramatic rambling, but hey. So is life sometimes.