A Small Journey in Time (to yesterday).

Boatswain’s Log November 19^th and 18^th.

 

Well. Still alive out here. I am still counting down the days. Not with a negative attitude anymore, just a desire to get back home thing. It doesn’t eat at me the way it used to, it is just a reality. I am ready to go home (still).

 

Yesterday was rather uneventful. I sowed some rice in the rain and it was almost cold. Did you know it actually gets cold in Costa Rica? I didn’t. But it does. It San Jose it actually gets chilly. Not overly chilly mind you, but somewhere in the 60’s I would imagine. Out here it is like a 65 degree chilly. We got done about lunch time and I read my bible for a long time before Nano and I went and washed Heyner’s roof. In the process of washing the roof I drank a coconut and in attempting to get another one I broke a piece of Heyner’s antenna. I felt bad, he didn’t seem to mind though.

 

I have been reading my bible a lot these days. Firstly, because it is the only book I brought and secondly because I have begun to realize just how complicated of a book/scripture/text it really is. It has a lot of things that I want to learn about, especially in the Old Testament. So I have been reading my study bible a lot to try and hash it out. I am coming to the conclusion (like I already did) that I am going to have questions for the bible-profs at school.

 

After Nano and I washed Heyner’s roof we stopped by to move some tile for the lawyer (Melvin). We did that and then talked to his receptionist (Nano’s cousin) who allowed me to use the internet again. I didn’t ask, she offered. I thought it wouldn’t be a bad thing, and indeed it wasn’t. I sent people a few messages, but it makes me miss people.

 

After that we went back to the house for dinner. I had a migraine starting, so I took a couple of Excedrin and magically the migraine went away long enough for me to watch both Anaconda movies (one and two) with Nano and host-dad. Not great films, but quite entertaining. There was one thing that was getting to me though:

 

Yeiner doesn’t care about his schooling. He didn’t study for his English test and subsequently didn’t do well, he also didn’t seem to study last night. I have no idea what the deal is. Does he want to work on the farm his whole life? I know that I wouldn’t if I were him, but maybe he likes it and thinks it is great. Nonetheless, no one really seems to make a fuss about him not studying. I was the only one who told him to go study and even then he didn’t really want to do it. Education is valuable, if and when the Lord issues me/blesses me with kids they WILL study.

 

Then it was bed time. The power went out and almost stifled the anaconda movies, I was almost glad…

 

Today dawned anew and we sowed more rice. It is now 1PM. I expect to be sowing rice until about 5 whenever we go back out there. While we sowed rice Nano and I decided to throw rocks at a wasps nest…bad idea. If you were somehow watching from a satellite I was the one running around swatting myself. There weren’t really that many, but they hang on to you and I am pretty sure that they bite and sting. One got in my hair and stung my head. I was consistently nervous about getting hit again for the next hour and a half or so. The wasps here are angrier than they are at home.

While I was putting the rice out there I came to a realization. I am involved in another process. I was thinking about my life and the things I have been through and how at the beginning so many of them sucked a lot, but by the end I really loved them. In the moment I realized that while I may dislike working on a farm, the mindless labor is probably the most helpful thing I have ever found to spur myself to talk with Jesus. It isn’t always coherent, sometimes it is just whining, but I am talking to Him…quite a bit actually. So, while I may really dislike being out where the blood sucking flies and angry wasps are…I am finding that the Lord is doing something in me. It just isn’t fun in the midst of it, as always. Hurray for being bad with processes! I guess…

 

Another thing I was thinking about is that I don’t know what my dreams for life are. I don’t know if I need them or not. Nano has dreams of having his own recording studio and helping young artists succeed in Costa Rica. What are my dreams? He asked. I told him that I wanted to go to seminary and then whatever Jesus wanted, but is that a cop out or just the truth? I was thinking about it and I guess my dream is to keep loving the Lord and loving other people. I want to help people, but I can do that in anything. I would like to see US policy change, but I can help that happen in a variety of ways. Essentially…I have tied the rest of my life and my dreams to following the Lord. So I don’t know what I want really, apart from the fact that I want what God wants for me (sometimes when I am not a selfish sinner).

 

Should I want something though? Should I pick something and go with it? I dunno, I don’t suppose that there are a whole lot of things that fill me with unending satisfaction that are jobs. At least none that I have thought about. Everything I have done thus far has its downsides. The best job thus far has been being a Peer Advisor, but I can’t do that all of my life and it was also one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. Waterfront director was good, but that was because I was paid to play in the lake. Frick. I am graduating soon and I don’t have my head filled with ideas about what I must do. I would like to go to Colombia if God wants me to and work with MCC, but apart from that and being a CIT lead at camp…that’s about it. Maybe that is good enough. I have flexible medium range plans. I think that is good. At least I hope so. Still Martin Luther King had a dream…should I have one?