I did this post on my borrowed $20 laptop. The first of many.

Ah, the joys of restfulness. I’ve been out of camp about two days now and I am finding it incredibly relaxing. I slept enough today (surprise!), then I woke up and spent quite a few hours with my friend Lael. She’s really amazing. Ummmm…yep. That’s all I’ve got to say about that. In other news, since I’ve been freed from the Firwood contract I have enjoyed a beer or two with my folks. I gotta admit, a beer every now and again is refreshing.

 

On the other hand, the only thing I really desire to listen to these days is Rich Mullins. Firwood contract says we aren’t to listen to anything but Christian music at camp, and I like listening to not-Christian music…but for some reason the only thing I want to hear is Rich Mullins. I think it’s because it reminds me of Jesus and I like being reminded of Jesus.

 

I tried to go to church on Sunday. By tried I mean I got up and went, but when I got there, there was no service because the congregation was doing a service project. That Pastor Baron and his great ideas. I showed up and met a variety of other people who hadn’t realized that church was canceled either. Interestingly enough, all of them besides me and a guy named Wade were related to my friend Ty Johnson. Essencially I got to church and met his whole family there. They then invited me to go get coffee with them, which I did. It was great fun. Great people and great conversation. Mediocre drinks I’m afraid. Woods coffee gets a 7 out of 10.

 

My friends Josh and Becca Durias (who went to coffee with us) have one of the cutest babies ever. His name is Solomon and he’s pretty fun. He does this thing when he wants to go somewhere. He’ll reach in that direction. He wants to go all over the place. Over to where old men are, over to the water, over by the cars. Everywhere.

If he doesn’t get something he does the “please” motion in sign language. He also looks distressed while he does this. He was way into the cookie I bought for people to share. Mostly he ate it though.

 

I wonder if we ever do pull a Solomon with Jesus. I think that most of the time we just stew about our lack of a particular something. I don’t think we ever really ask enough. Sometimes I forget that He answers prayer, maybe I could learn a thing or two from this baby boy who fearlessly begged me for cookie. Could I fearlessly beg God for something in a likewise manner? What would I ask for? I wonder if I’d look as cute as Solomon to Jesus while I asked…Probably not.

 

It’s been interesting taking time to think about my experience at camp. I’ve talked with a few friends of mine on the phone and as I do I realize just what Jesus brought me to camp for. The person I was at the end and the person I was at the beginning are fairly different. Pre-camp Chauncey was a tired, bitter, and frustrated version of Post-camp Chauncey. It was a really good experience. It was incredibly hard at the beginning, but now at the end I see the change in me. I’m significantly happier and Jesus is very real (or at least our relationship seems more real than it did before I got to camp).

 

There’s this verse in Jeremiah that I’ve been thinking about lately. God says to the people of Israel “You shall seek me and you shall find me when you seek me with your whole heart.” I’ve been really quite excited about this. To be honest finding God is really cool. I’ve been doing it a bit at a time over the summer, I guess the verse keeps me pumped about doing it more. Seeking the Lord is fun, because when He shows up it’s always something I never expect. Really though. He asks me to do things that scare me. I’m beginning to become somewhat of a thrill addict in this regard.

 

I’m watching the Olympics right now. The female gymnasts are extremely impressive. I wish I had done gymnastics when I was growing up. If I could do a triple backflip I think I would be cooler. Maybe I’d just be more likely to break my neck though…

The internet works faster this time…lovely.

Last night the internet wasn’t working too fast. Now it’s better. I’ve been doing some thinking. Something that I do every now and again.

Tomorrow is my last day of camp at Camp Firwood for the summer. On Saturday I start the mostly unexpected process of readying myself for a journey to an entirely new experience. I’ll probably go see my Grandpa, spend time with people I haven’t got to see all summer, and get nervous. In the mean time though the thing that I was thinking about is how great this place is. I really don’t give Jesus enough credit for Camp Firwood. Here, Jesus, (if Jesus reads my blog…I think He may in a manner of speaking) Thanks for Firwood.

I say this because I caught myself feeling ungrateful about the absolute blessing that this place has been in my life. In 2004 I was a counselor in training and took hold of my faith here. Last summer I was a counselor and learned a lot. This summer I am waterfront director and Camp really served in a lot of ways as “bitter Chauncey rehab”. I came into this summer a burnt-out, exhausted version of myself who lacked a lot of joy. As I look back I am able to see the things the Lord taught me this summer. Things about my value, things about service, things about loving people and Jesus. Important things.

I find that at the beginning of each summer I’ve found myself wondering why I’m here, but then by the end I always wish I didn’t have to leave. That’s right now. I think it really is time to go. As of Saturday I have 10 days before I go to Costa Rica. I do need to see a few people and spend quality time with them before I disappear for a few months. Yet, I was talking with some great people this evening and found myself wishing I had more time to spend with them. I have great friends here. I have great role models. I am a man who receives so much good from the Lord, however I am also a man who (thus far) only realizes the great things he has when they’re almost gone. I wish that wasn’t the case.

I think I did a good job this summer, but if I had been able to live every week the way I’m living this one I think there would have been super amazing things that would have happened. Still, that would probably have been impossible considering it took me an entire summer to get to where I am now. But, just in case you’re wondering I am really loving this week at camp.

I suppose I need to learn to be better at being grateful. So many people have blessed me here. I don’t think any of them really grasp how much. One man in particular. Robert Lee. Director of Camp Firwood. The man who took me on staff as a CIT in 2004…and hired me as a counselor last summer…and again as waterfront director this summer. He also asks about my life and cares about the answer. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked him for all that. I probably will tomorrow. I don’t think there’s any way that I can adequately express the gratitude that I found for this place and God working in my life this evening. SO…i feel like you’ll just have to use your imagination.

If you’re one of those great people who pray for me, thank Jesus for letting me be here. Even though I was fussy about it at first. I don’t think I would have rather been anywhere else…Hopefully tomorrow morning won’t make this go away. I don’t like waking up.

Campfire smell is lovely

I stood by a fire for about a half hour and helped young lads make delicious treats called “dough boys”. No, just in case you were wondering the name isn’t derived from the nickname given to the United States troops in WWI. I don’t actually know where the name comes from. In any case I brought about 56 doughboy makings with me and within about 40 minutes they were eaten by ravenous campers and staff and I received the gift (quite seriously) of campfire smell.

To men this smell is one of the great glories we can be gifted. We go camping and return smelling like we sat by every fire that was possible to make. In fact we did. We’re so proud of our odor that we walk about telling people to smell us. At least I do. Currently I smell like a conquering hero. Girls disagree, but that’s probably why I don’t date those ones. Wink. No really though. It’s important.

I spent some time thinking about salvation today and yesterday. Maybe this isn’t the way for everyone else, but I tend to pay attention to the way things are said. Praise songs get me stuck because I really desire to convey to the Lord things that are of worth, many times I am just plain irritated with the imagery and cheesy lines that we sing to the Lord. Just an example.

In any case, a friend of mine was praying and prayed that we would all try to spend our lives trying to repay the sacrifice Christ made for us. I found out afterwards that this really wasn’t what he meant, but nonetheless I think we’ve got to be very careful with things like this. It’s been a great challenge for me to accept grace with the full knowledge that I can never do anything to be worthy of it or to pay it back. It’d be so much easier for me if it was something of a tally system between me and God in which I could mark up the good things I’d done against grace and somehow achieve a good standing with God. Luckily it’s not that way. I would fail. Over and over again.

Here’s the thing: Grace is free. We don’t have to earn it. It’s not something we ever become worthy of, but rather it is something that we learn to accept and be changed by. God’s love isn’t static. When we seek God He will be found by us. I think that once we accept this great love of His we can become changed and in so doing we may just find ourselves doing things Jesus did and does. Things we can be proud of because God is working through us, not because we’re doing it on our own.

Another thing I’ve been pondering is the sentence “God has a plan”. I haven’t been pondering it because it’s inherently wrong. I think it’s very truthful. What gets me is when people use it to justify the evil that occurs in the world. Bad things happen and people say, “God has a plan. It’s all part of the plan.” If I may interject a thought, why would the Lord of all creation who is all that is good put evil into his plan to achieve good? It’s not to say that the Lord doesn’t make the best out of hard situations, but I don’t believe for a minute that God desires bad things to happen.

I think that God works with us. We all make mistakes and God’s plan for us changes accordingly. I doubt very  much however if God’s original plan meant that He planned for the Holocaust to happen or for Martin Luther King to be shot. Really. Think about it. I believe He knew what would happen and planned accordingly, but to say that His plan required evil to accomplish good is absurd. God doesn’t need evil to bless the world by creating it. God responds to the world’s evil by coming Himself into the brokenness. It’s true in saying that without Christ dying and rising again we would be up a creek without a paddle, but who did what? We killed Christ. The Father raised Him from the dead.

God breathes life and wholeness into all who choose to seek Him. Everyone. No exceptions. It’s a process, but it’s open to all. Everyone has the option to experience this sweet-awesome relationship. God doesn’t need the brokenness in our lives to have relationship with us, part of the reason we’re in relationship with God is because brokenness isn’t how we’re meant to live to begin with.

I guess my point is that God is very big. He’s also good. We need to learn to trust that He doesn’t need our mistakes to bring glory to His name. They’re a part of His plan because they’re a part of us, not because He wanted them to be there.

Anyhow. Those are my thoughts for the time being. Carry on. It’s bed time. It has been for about an hour.

Water Olympics are fun…sometimes

So when I was a counselor, I loved water olympics. I loved running and jumping in the water with my kiddos and getting in the sun. Now as waterfront director the wonderful fun is mostly gone. I have to assign lifeguards and set up and be watchful for safety. I still get in the sun, but it doesn’t matter too much, I think I’m already just about as tan as I can get.

My friend Paula just told me she’s engaged to be married. Shoot. About 6 months ago she was somewhat concerned about being a lonely woman who owns cats. Now she’s going to be married to a very intelligent man who I’ve met. I played Settlers of Catan with him. He’s a cool guy. He’s also got a great dog. Things just jump out at you sometimes: Bolts in your foot while running, Engagements of friends, Babies, Tigers, Jr. High campers at the night game trying to get hit by the 4×4 Gator you’re driving (maybe that one’s real too)…the list goes on. In any case. So many high fives go out to the future Mrs. Joel Wetzel. I’m really proud of her, and excited to be invited to the wedding. Wink. Nudge.

I drove kids around on an inner tube today. I had oodles of whiny Jr.highers who decided that I was “driving too fast”. Well, that may be…but who wants a boring inner tube ride? I sure don’t. 5 mph doesn’t cut it for anyone. They’re even American, they should want increasing speed and efficiency. Right? Come on now society at least do me one favor.

Ok. No more for now. My friend Andrew just appeared. He was in China for about a year. He’s back now. He’s one of my favorite people in the world. His camp name is Gandalf. Sometimes I wonder where he goes, but there’s this line from the animated version of “the Hobbit” that helps. Bilbo Baggins asks a dwarf how gandalf got ahead of them, the dwarf says, “He comes and goes at will. He is a wizard you know.”

almost through with high school camp.

Camp ends tomorrow morning. I am going to miss high schoolers. It’s been oddly pleasant having kids who can hold conversations and kids who want to just talk with you. I really appreciate that. I will miss them next week.

I’m starting to realize that I’m going to Costa Rica really soon. I am beginning to get nervous. I haven’t given it a whole lot of thought…I’ll probably have to start…and maybe do that required reading I’ve been putting off.

Currently I’m sitting in the camp office watching a blue ball float out into the lake. I don’t plan on rescuing it. I did moderate amounts of work this week. I’m beginning to realize that my job isn’t really strenuous, but I do other things that are. I taught an activity class called Iron Man this week. For class kids had to do painful amounts of exercise. I don’t think all of them liked it. One of them named Garrett did though. He pulled a canoe around our island by himself. Oh wait, in the canoe was my friend Ben. He did it in under an hour. Later today I told people that he was a lad made out of steel and half-dead bears in that vicious last moment death-crush stage (it’s a compliment).

My friend Dan said I should do a shout-out to our cabin. Here it is. I like my cabin. There’s four of us in the “end of the line” cabin. I like to think that we’re the last outpost of civilization before you get into the crazy absurdity that is Sudden Valley. Sudden Valley is a housing development filled with strange people who make silly rules. Rules like “No barn yard animals.” or “No brown tarps.” seriously. Those are real rules.

We had people play music last night. It was for this thing called “music center stage”. People play music. Lots of it is good, if you’re in the position to enjoy it. I was mostly not in that position.

I was there, but in my head I was processing the fact that I have spent most of my life accepting lies that I have been fed about where my value comes from. Things like being good at video games, dressing nicely (for about a 6 month period in middle school), working out, and getting affirmation from the way girls interact with me. Take all these things and assume that at some point or another I have been subconsciously convinced that these things can give me value/make me feel loved to a point where I can be happy.

In short, for most of my  experience as a human being I haven’t been able to rest in the fact that God loves me. Ever. Lots of things make sense when I look at that point. Essentially I came to this point and became frustrated to the point of tears. I want so badly to be able to look at myself and OWN, not just know, own that God loves me. Yet, I don’t know how to do that. I am frustrated.

On the bright side of things I have great people to talk to. My friend Ian gave me a really great piece of advice. Either he did or Jesus did. Or both. I was talking to him about a girl I was/am into and he said, “Maybe you should stop trying to control it.” Bam. Caught red-handed. I am trying to micromanage my life instead of letting God take it and make it what he wants. It’s risky this way, I said in response to Ian half joking that “If I let go of control I might get hurt.” to which he replied, “Or Blessed. God does that you know.” Perhaps I should stop thinking and let God do things. Easier said than done.

That’s all for now. I’ve gotta poop.