The reason I’m wet is the same as how I lost my opening day bandana. I stepped into the water…fully clothed. Why? Well, simply put…I was trying to walk on the water. I felt like it was possible and Jesus says we can do things He did. So I went for it. Me and my friend Keaton. We are now both soaked and I have no more opening day bandana. I tried this last summer in shallow water and got wet feet. This time it was in deep water off the sail dock and now I am semi-wet (having since changed).
So…I fell in. I did not walk on the water. Is it because I didn’t have enough faith? Quite possibly. Is it because Jesus didn’t want me to? Also quite possibly. Here’s the thing. I took my glasses off before I stepped out. I didn’t want to lose them. This isn’t exactly a faithful act. I guess it’s not that I don’t trust God to hold me up, I guess I mostly don’t trust myself to have enough faith to do it.
The director of camp laughed at me and said, “When Christ did it, it was for the Father’s glory.” It was to show that He was God. Okay. I’m not God. Nope, in case you’re wondering “Is Chauncey God?” the answer is an emphatic “NO.” However, Peter walked on the water too. I thought about this. He went out because He saw Jesus doing it. He saw and followed. Still maybe I don’t have enough faith to walk on water, but it seems to me that when Peter walked Jesus had told him to come out on to the water to meet Him. I don’t know that I had that. Perhaps I lacked a sense of timing. Maybe the Lord was saying to me, “Chauncey, If you do things when I want you to do them then they’ll work. Otherwise not.”
As I washed my feet in the hot shower after dampening myself I thought of this line from Indiana Jones where the man in the fez asks Indy, “Why do you seek the cup of Christ? Is it for His glory or for yours?” I suppose that if that guy asked me the same question I wouldn’t be able to say that I took that step for the glory of the King…more so to prove that I had the faith to do it.
So at the end of this day of taking too many photos and successfully delegating responsibility to trustworthy lifeguards, I have no opening day bandana and I feel quite the fool. All this to say perhaps I’m in the right place. I read this quote once it went something like “May all your plans fail, may all your dreams be shattered, may all your hopes come to naught, so that you may learn to live and dance simply and unadorned in the love of God.” Here I am. Jesus loves me.
PS: Almost done, but one more thing. We’re having staff break this weekend. The theme is “Homecoming”…I feel like I’m in 10th grade again. It’s frikkin’ awkward. I tried to ask a friend who I thought it’d be fun to go with and she said “I’ll pray about it.” (Really. She did.) then when I pressed the matter further I got a “Well, you can ask other people….I’m waiting.” So, in other words: “No.” Then I asked another friend who I thought it’d be fun to go with via a note with “yes” and “no” check boxes. She said she was going with someone already. Then I got the “you should ask so-and-so.” Well balls people. If I want to go with someone I’ll ask them. I don’t need “helpful hints” as though I was reliving the 8th grade. I hate school dances where you ask people. They make me feel lonely again.
Still, all that being said. I hadn’t fell off the dock yet. I have now. Maybe the whole point of me falling off the dock was for Jesus to say that He loves me again. I never get tired of hearing that. I think that’s the way it should be.
