It begins again.

It’s officially spring quarter now. This means several things. 1)It will get sunny. 2)Girls will become scantily clad. 3)Class will increasingly become not where I desire to be. Sigh. I’m ready I guess. I suppose that we’ll have to see just what exactly life has in store for me. I’m sure I’ll talk about it when it comes up.

Sometimes girls get haircuts. I think that most men fail to have the appropriate response to their haircuts. When girls see other girls’ haircuts they scream with joy and the phrase “That’s so cute!” is thrown around liberally. When guys see girls’ haircuts we’re not sure what to say. Obviously, not all haircuts look good (no Courtney, don’t worry. I wasn’t lying), but at the same time girls are very sensitive. You can’t say the same thing to a girl with a bad haircut that you can say to a guy. So, whether the haircut is good or bad it is always a matter of diplomacy. “How excited do I get?” I don’t know that haircuts ever excite men the way they do with girls and I will not use the phrase “That’s so cute!”…Even if it’s a good haircut I feel that my response to it is always somewhat lackluster. I’m sorry. But really, It’s a haircut. You are currently missing some of the hair that you had the last time I saw you and it makes you look better or not. Congratulations. That’s not to say that men don’t want to hear that our haircuts look nice. I think it’s just that we take them a bit less seriously (at least I think so). My friend Zach Brenneman has had a mullet for 2 quarters now. He has no fear. People don’t tell him he’s got nice hair and he doesn’t care. It would be nice if girls followed his example, however if they did how would we flirt with them about their hair? Hmmm…Anyhow, the point remains that I don’t feel like I get excited enough about haircuts. Is it an acquired skill? Like watching basketball?

Another thing. Girls use the word cute alot. My friend Robb and I discovered whilst talking with his younger sister that cute is not something that is universal to all girls. Each girl has a different definition of what is or is not cute. No. There’s no reasoning. They just know what is cute. Then they check with friends. Then they agree that it is in fact cute. How? I have no idea. Maybe there’s a secret chart that they hide…maybe girls hold secret meetings every year and decide on what is and is not cute and expect everyone to fall in line….or maybe it’s just one of those things. One of those things like the way we as men can tell when we’ve taken a joke too far…it’s just obvious.

Successfully maintaining a lifestyle of prayer as opposed to morning devotions that encapsulate my relationship with the Lord is difficult. I am not great at it. It feels like relearning how to pray. It seems to be a slow process. I guess I have to be okay with that. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike all at once. In an unrelated note, I did learn to not like riding bikes all at once. I fell off my bike twice in one ride and scraped both legs against a large rock. One each time. My brother told me I had to keep riding. Well balls Marcus. It hurts to ride bikes when both your legs are bleeding. I prefer to walk or run now. Stupid bikes.

So, I ended up reading about 4 fantasy novels over break. It was so good. I lived in a fantastically magical universe for several days with dragons and stuff. Why is it that when we watch these films and read these books we say to ourselves “YES. That is awesome. I want to ride a dragon.” or “That was the coolest thing I have ever seen!” There are lots of examples. When Tony Jaa fights 4 of the biggest men ever in The Protector. When the Rohirrim charge Minus Tirith in Return of the King. When Morgan Freeman meets Tim Robbins at the end of Shawshank Redemption. When Lirael and the rest of the big blood lines of the old kingdom break Orranis the destroyer. When Jesus rises at the end of The Passion of The Christ. All these moments awake this thing in me (at least) where I am suddenly carried away by the pure excitement or whathaveyou of the scene. Why is it that we experience this so many times in fiction, but fail to experience these things in real life? Seriously, We are told that we are offered “abundant life” or “life to the full” in Christ, but why is it that the times where I feel truly alive are hidden in these moments in life that are uncovered during films or stories or at the all too seldom momentous occasions in life? Does this say something about what we have done with the gospel? I don’t know. It’s just that I find myself desiring something that I cannot seem to grasp. Something that I cannot easily find in places other than the moments in stories where good triumphs over evil, where things are set right, and where we find the ending to the story that we hope for our own lives.

I want so badly for my life to be this thing that I love living during each moment I’m able, but so often I find my life being something that I compare to stories I love and find it coming up short. I don’t need to ride dragons. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying I need more than what we are told that a faith with Christ is. I need a faith that rips my world apart and forces me to survive. I don’t want complacency. I don’t think any of us do. I think that’s sometimes why we watch movies and read books so that we don’t feel complacent. The truth hidden at the bottom of each moment that grasps us and leaves us in awe makes us want something more. It reminds us that sitting on our couches is not what we really desire. We don’t just want 9-5 jobs, we don’t just want a family, we don’t just want a car, we don’t just want to feel good about ourselves. We want to be fulfilled. What does this fulfillment look like? I won’t agree with Karl Marx that fulfillment is found solely in labor in which we control the means of production in a world where people are perfectible. I’m sorry Mr. Marx. I don’t agree. Fulfillment is found in Christ. I just don’t understand how to live in a way that makes that fulfillment something I own. Maybe I’ll get it tomorrow.