The Writing is on the anti-carpal tunnel bar….

During finals week everyone seems more intense. There’s this odd tension that I experience everywhere on campus. In my room as I study, in the dining hall, in the Library where I am right now. To be honest, it makes me nervous. Feeling nervous makes me feel like I have to drop the kids off at the pool….if you get my drift. I’ve had that feeling all day. Too much info perhaps? oh well, too late now.

I’ve got 2 finals tomorrow. I have studied roughly about ten hours for one of them at this point. The other one I haven’t touched. I’m going to, that’s why I’m in the library. However, I wonder how much I’ll be able to put in my head. In the process of studying (which I do by talking to myself) I got to the point where there was nothing more I could fit in my head and memorize. That final is in the English language. The other one is in Spanish, hopefully there’s room in my head for that…it’s in a different language.

Heidi Weisman just came by and hugged me. She was on the phone. She’s engaged to be married. My friend Chelsea who I am studying Spanish with tonight is also engaged. People getting married so near to me make me feel like I either should be dating someone or that maybe everyone is too enthusiastic about the idea. I don’t want to get married right out of college. Nothing against the people who do, but is “settling down” with a spouse really what anyone desires at the age of 23? I guess some people do, and if you’ve found that person (like my friend Daniel Lowndes who just said hi a second a go has) maybe it’d be less challenging. Or maybe it would be more challenging.

All I really know about weddings is that there’s food and alcohol (especially if Jesus comes to the wedding) there, God is involved somehow (in many cases), you see relatives and people you’ve never seen, and there’s sex afterwards (if you’re the bride or groom). yes. I said sex. What are you going to do about it? Anyhow, I am not what i would characterize as “understanding” of the process or what’s involved, but I suppose that I don’t have to be.

My brother is getting married soon. I’m going to be in the wedding as a grooms’ man, not the best man, but standing there awkwardly anyway. i’ve never met my future sister in law…That might be strange. What if she doesn’t get jokes? What if I say some jackass thing that gets me banned from their family events forever? I don’t know. I hope the bridesmaid I get to hang out with is fun, otherwise I’ll be up at that front table at the reception feeling distant from the fun people I know and eating food by my lonesome with a not-so-fun bridesmaid. Okay, yes, that was a bit dramatic. My friend (also my brother’s friend…he was my brother’s friend first) Zach is also supposed to be in the wedding. He’s fun. He’ll have to sit at that awkward table with me. Maybe we can make jokes together and maybe he will hope (like I do) that I won’t have to make a toast about how great the bride and groom are together. Lord knows my brother will make a toast at my wedding. Maybe I should do the same to preempt him…or maybe I just really don’t want to be tempted to allow myself to verbally process myself into a corner where I say something I can’t take back. See? It’s a challenging thought.

Anyhow, Chelsea is supposed to be here any second now so I’m going to leave. But I noticed something awhile back. The anti-carpal tunnel bar has a phrase written on it that I didn’t even put there…It reads: “finals suck”…Yes ghost writer…I agree.